Paarul’s Chats’: Attention, Moms at work

http://www.yourstory.in/resources/guest-column/2312-attention-moms-at-work-

Paarul’s Chats’: Attention, Moms at work

http://www.yourstory.in/resources/guest-column/2312-attention-moms-at-work-

Attention, Moms at work

“The Cutting Edge”

A weekly look at advocacy, media and entrepreneurship.

I was brought up by a most egalitarian mom, an army officer’s wife who always worked and somehow managed to do that inspite of having to move cities every few years, every time my father was sent to a new army station. The only catch is that the viable option that was available to her, a university topper, was teaching, the one profession that is most tolerant of the frequent movements of army wives.

The point of this bit of nostalgia is that today if she were to start her profession, the concept of flexible workers would allow her to build on her talents much better.

Has the age of flexible professionals, be it mothers or even women taking care of an aged parent or perhaps an ill person, finally arrived?

Sairee Chahal, who set up Fleximoms along with Anita Vasudeva earlier this year under Saita Consulting, certainly thinks so. Chahal says that what motivated her to start this venture was the “Continuous and growing need of women professionals who need flexibility and during the last three years, SAITA Consulting must have heard from at least a thousand of them. The number of experienced, qualified women professionals who need to rethink and rework their careers and their approach is large and growing. This is getting further accentuated by longer commutes, nuclear families, complex lifestyles and the need for a continuous second income.”

Let’s take a look at some of the numbers, a recent ILO report shows that an astonishing 77.3 percent of women in India have gone through secondary or higher education, yet are unemployed.

The myriad pressures and demands on Indian women are too well known to recount. What is important is that this is valuable human capital that can be retrieved and used to build economic capital.

With a slow down in the global economy, which has impacted India as well, enterprises are also looking for ways to cut their costs. Every employee seat can cost between ten and 25 thousand rupees when you count their overheads and costs. A person who therefore is like a bit of a guerrilla worker armed with talent, drive and experience but will not cost so much in terms of overheads is of great value to any organisation.

It must be pointed out that these are not temporary workers but often seasoned professionals who simply are not able to put in full hours. Yet the work is done, the hours may be part time but the deliverables to a company are not.

Indian women are definitely very good at managing many tasks, whereas I am not trying to make sweeping generalisations out of sentiment, it is a pity that so many talented women are unable to make use of their potential. Flexi time is one good way of doing so.

Do check out: www.fleximoms.in

Next Week: Breaking the glass ceiling, women on top

My friend Ananya

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I got to meet Ananya, the 5 month old baby girl of a friend. She greeted me like the princess she is, all smiles and royal waves of chubby hands, very pleased to mingle.

In between grabbing her own toes and gifting everyone around her with a fabulous smile, in between listening to her parents Jazz and Abba records, Ananya has an important lesson to teach. There is so much beauty and joy in this mad world if only we stopped to look and love. Babies know how to get to the heart of the matter very soon whether it is food or life.

At some point events that happen to us, make us forget a truth that is quietly staring at us in the face everyday. We are alive, alive to brood over what has happened to us, alive to be angry, alive to be sick, alive to be sad, alive to be well, alive to be happy, alive to hate and alive to love. And if like Ananya we choose to be in the moment and be happy being in the moment life would be a lot more joyful.

At some point it has become almost fashionable to be tortured and dark, with artists dismissing the ‘feel good’ factor as not being arty enough perhaps.

But life and babies don’t care about that.

Every moment that we live, life is happening to us and there is a choice to appreciate and enjoy every minute of it. If we can just tear down shadow of what all is wrong with us and breakthrough to the other side, there is beauty that is almost painful to feel.

So today I am going to enjoy my life and all that it brings.

This is My friend Ananya’s lesson, taught somewhere between Love Supreme and Mamma Mia.

Direhard Romantics-An Endangered Species

All right I admit it; here’s the confession straight up. I am a completely shameless and unapologetic romantic. And I have a strong feeling, that my family and friends have been trying to tell me for a very long time, that with this attitude I may well be next in line for extinction along with the Gangetic River Dolphins and the Duck Billed Platypus. I seem to hear the word Dodo from people very often in this regard.

Now I have a question this Valentine’s Day. If love was not meant to be anything but unconditional, then why does love exist at all ?

And yet why do so many people fall in love at all with half a heart? Seems like a colossal waste of time and effort to me to do that. I went to my chief advisor on matters of the heart, my golden retriever Leo, for some answers. As we are both Bangalore born ( he a descendent of Sunny Baba of Bangalore whose picture you may have seen at Sunny’s restaurant off MG Road; me born at the Airforce Hospital in Bangalore) we tend to swap war stories.

Leo , however, was a bit silent about my query. Maybe because it was posed before breakfast? And Leo, unlike the walrus, is not good at answering “40 impossible things” before breakfast.

A couple of chomps later, Leo nudged my arm with his nose, requesting a belly rub , his logic being that answering such questions should not stop me from looking after him at the same time. He is deep my dog, he is.

Maybe you read Wuthering Heights too often suggested the wise lady on the hill? Or recited too much love poetry or listened to too many wine soaked ghazals? Hmm. Well, maybe unconditional love exists only if you are a dreamy poet or a tortured sadist who is still redeemed by loving at least one person unconditionally.

Determined to banish the love gene from me , the wise man on the river bed suggested other options .It’s all about your stars and karma. Correct this could help you be more realistic and thus escape being extinct . So I duly found a trusty pundit with his armoury of havans, mantras and precious stones. May the good luck shine down on you, you crazy diamond! End result is that I can now boast of owning some interesting rings .I have also since run out of fingers to wear rings that would have neutralised my shani, enhanced my sun and boosted Jupiter in my chart! But nah, the love gene is still alive and kicking.

Next I moved to Feng Phooey as I once heard Feng Shui called by a sceptical writer in the Reader’s Digest. Still ,there are those who swear by the gurgle of fountains in the north east corner to ensure a steady supply of beer. And then there was good old Vaastu Shastra, however for some reason, I couldn’t convince my parents to demolish bathrooms and relocate water tanks or sell our house . Most unreasonable of them!

It seems I will have to live with my love gene. Finally, it was Leo who had the answer . This may be the year of the boar or ox or love-rat or whatever, but get a dog, a real one . When all else fails holding on to my flirtatious, lazy golden retriever Leo is the best help against the blues-)

And I think I am very happy and content being an endangered species that still belives in unconditional, long lasting love . It makes me human .

Invisible Wounds

“Because we are an Honourable People!”

A poet once said, the sorrow we cannot speak about is the heaviest to bear. Ours is a country that worships the Female Shakti and has raised the mother and the wife to be icons of selfless sacrifice . Ours is also a country that because of these very roles puts their hands tightly across the mouths of thousands of women and prevents them from ever speaking the truth of domestic violence.

In the three minutes it could take you to read this blog a crime against a woman somewhere in India has been committed and if you take six hours to log on next to this blog or to Facebook a young married woman in India has been burnt to death or beaten to death or driven to suicide by relatives.

You see goddesses cannot be human and feel pain and therefore where is the violence against them? And what does one say about the blows that rain down not only from heavy hands but from the mindset and the words we speak to our women.

According to a new law enacted in 2006 , in India you have experienced abuse if there is “actual abuse or the threat of abuse whether physical, sexual, emotional or economic,”. The law also gives magistrates very wide powers to protect women if they are harassed for dowry .

I was brought up by a set of very egalitarian parents who always treated me so effortlessly equally that I grew up believing I could do whatever I ever wanted and I did. And then I was fortunate enough to join Television 18(now Network 18) as a reporter, and was able to spend my foundation years as a professional with a company and a boss who gave you every chance to work at what you wanted providing you could deliver the work. This attitude took me as a 21 year old to cover the then finance minister Manmohan Singh and to cover the People’s War Group naxalites in Telengana , Andhra Pradesh.

Normal things one would say and yet it is unusual for many Indian women to grow up with a sense of identity and purpose for her own life. I am no bra burning feminist but for many people one cannot deny gender is what defines the tone of their behaviour. And at the end of the day this is the problem of every person in this country.

Take a look at the Bell Bajao Campaign(www.bellbajao.org) . You must have seen the ads with Boman Irani ringing the bell of houses with domestic violence. This simple act can help make the aggressor aware that we as a society are watching and that we do not approve of domestic violence . The campaign asks you to take a stand and to Kill the “it’s not my business” mentality. Bell Bajao asks you to Tell your Mom. Tell your friends. And more importantly, speak out and tell all to the World Wide Web.

I remember one summer night about 16 years ago in the army cant area in New Delhi when in the middle of the night a navy officer neighbour chased his wife with a cricket bat in the colony . My father along with other officers reported the matter immediately , the navy police came, and the lady was taken immediately to her parents . Sadly she refused to file a complaint against her husband. And this is by no means an unusual occurrence.

The person being abused can cling to her abuser as her worldview and perceptions are defined by her abuser. And this is by no means confined to hitting. If you are made to feel unworthy by your family because you are a woman, if your husband dictates how you must dress and who you must meet, if your boyfriend says hurtful, disrespectful words to you as a matter of routine, all this is abuse. If you have to stand for behavior that throttles your potential and stops you from being your true self , you are being abused and only you can put a stop to it.Do not stand for it, get the help you need.The laws are all there on your side, its just your heart that needs to make a change too.

True respect for a woman shows in how we act with them , how we think about them and the words we say to them . The rest is all sheer junk and self serving placating of ourselves that we are good people who treat our women well.

I have met good men and good women in my life and not so nice ones too. So today when you go home, take a moment and decide to reward these good men and women and put the rest on notice ,show your disapproval.

Bell Bajao. Embarrass them like the Pink Chaddi Campaign is doing in Bangalore(they are displaying pink underwear donated by women and some men too on the 13^th of February as a protest against the Sri Ram Sene plans to disrupt Valentine’s Day after their splendid display of ‘guarding the morals of women’ in Mangalore Pubs. See facebook link http://www.facebook.com/event.php?sid=6a10e2d5b3f8610cd26030580e9e84cd&eid=49598339627 to join)

Let’s laugh such people out of our society, lets speak out more . Because a sorrow shared makes the lightest of burdens.

Some useful links if you feel you are a victim of domestic abuse, if any of you have any new numbers and links would be happy to put them up from all over India. To register you complaint online log on to http://ncw.nic.in/ncwcomplaint1/home.asp. This is the official site of the government.

Other useful links are:-

1)www.bellbajao.org

2) Sakshi, Delhi. A Violence Intervention for Women and Children — works on sexual harassment, sexual assault, child sexual abuse and domestic violence. Focuses on equality education for judges, implementation of the 1997 Supreme Court Sexual Harassment Guidelines, outreach and education. B-67 South Extension Part-1, First Floor, New Delhi-110065. Tel:011-24643946/24623295 Email: s.sakshi@mailcity.com

3)Women’s Rights Initiative runs a pro bono legal aid cell for domestic violence cases and are also associated with law reforms in the area of domestic violence. 63 / 2, First floor, Masjid road, Jungpura, New Delhi. Ph: 011-24316925 / 011-24313904 / . Email: wri@vsnl.net.

4)Majlis, Bombay. (Flavia, Veena or Saumya) – 022-618 0394

5)Swaadhar, Bombay. (Jyoi Kelkar) -022- 872 0638

6)Vimochana, 2124 16th B Main 1-A Cross, HAL IInd Stage, Bangalore 560038. Phone: (city code = 80) 526 9307. Deals with many women’s issues from domestic violence to labour issues. Activities range from counselling, service provision, education and outreach, mobilizing and organizing, activism.

7) Anweshi Women’s Counselling Centre, near YWCA, Cannanore Road, Kozhikode 673 001. Run a counselling, mediation and resource center for women facing any kind of abusive situation. If writing to them, please enclose a self-addressed envelope with sufficient postage.

8) Sachetna, 31, Mahairban Road, Calcutta.

Socio-Legal Aid Research and Training Center, P-112 Lake Terrace, Calcutta.

9)Pragatisheel Mahila Manch, 11 N. Ho Chi Minh Road, Sarania, Behala, Calcutta 700 061.

10)Swayam, 11 Balu Hakkak Lane, Calcutta 70017. Phone: 033-2803429; 033-2803688. Email: swayam@cal.vsnl.net.i

Slumdog Millionaire in History Making Best Picture Win at Golden Globe Today: Is it written?

It’s been a long time since I have felt so enthused, aroused and swept away by a movie. Slumdog Millionaire, is that kind of movie, by now all of you would know that the film which also stars Anil Kapoor,Irfan Khan and Mahesh Manjrekar has won Best Film, Best Original Score by A.R Rehman ,Best Director and Best Screenplay at the Golden Globes.

Don’t let that put you off, this is a movie where even as it shows India vicious side, does it with an understanding and love for all our complexities. Indians have the ability to keep their head in the clouds and their feet firmly rooted in self interest and are ok with both these attitudes. Yes, we are a complex, often viciously indifferent people, who are forever seeking approval and our references for success from the western world but we Indians also have one over-riding redeeming quality: we are emotional and believe in true love and happy endings. And we do that knowing what we know about yourselves, was it Bollywood that made us this way or did we make Bollywood this way, I don’t know. What I do know is that Slumdog is a loving portrait of all that makes us Indians heroic. Here are three reasons to watch the movie:-

Watch the film also for the fabulous music by AR Rehman, case in point the music that underlines the shots of the kids running through the slums , the frenetic drumbeat will make you want to get up and do something about your life, anything apart from sitting around! Also look out for the pepped up version of Choli ke Peeche Kya hain-you will have to listen hard to recognize it.

Watch the film also for its unusual structure, the way the answers to all the questions on Who wants to be a Millionaire are woven into Jamal, the main protagonist’s life. How the screenplay weaves all of this around its heart: the love story of Latika and Jamal. Even characters that appear for a short while like the leader of the beggar racket make an impact.

Watch the film because it’s a genuine crossover film, one third of the movie is in Hindi and the street children who play the three main characters: Jamal and his brother Salim and Latika. Natural ,spontaneous and seamless.

So do watch the film when it releases next week, you wouldn’t regret the two hours spent . And yes , it gives you a kick to hear Rehman’s music played on the Golden Globe stage and to see Anil Kapoor and Rehman getting their well deserved due.

No, we don’t need Hollywood’s approval for our talent. But as it is happening whatever our carping critics say: this had to happen one day: It is written-)

Bombay in my Veins

Most of us have our true loves; that unforgettable love who changes you forever. All of us also have that one city that is closest to our hearts, where for some reason you feel instantly at home. For me, without doubt, that city is Bombay. For the last 30 years, the city has summoned me regularly and each time I end up changing my life significantly.

This karmic tug is the reason why I found it way too painful to write about the attacks on Bombay before today, it struck too close to the bone.

My first sight of Bombay was as a 6-7 year old having ridden the Rajdhani train from New Delhi. It was quite a journey, as my brother all of 4, banged his head on the berth and had to be given one stitch without anaesthesia at Ratlam or Baroda station, I think. Stepping off the train at Dadar Central, my horrified grandmother immediately burst into tears at seeing my brother with his head all neatly bandaged up. Inspite of this not so fortunate introduction to the city my brother and I took to Bombay with the greatest of enthusiasm.

In those early years it was the Energy milk bottle, the rides on Juhu beach, the sea –pool at the US club in Colaba with crabs scuttling on the rocks and its chicken sandwiches, the comics and books from Thakker Library at Lower Parel market that won my heart, taking the 9 limited bus,Pizza at Gazebos.

And the rain, oh the rain, I have to say inspite of all the hassles I loved it. The first rains of the season in Bombay fall in a slanting shower something I have never seen in Delhi. Walking under that light filled, slanting sheet of water wearing Bata, gold coloured flip flops was as close to heaven as one could get. This excursion was usually followed by hot jalebis from Dadar TT Circle. Life in Bombay was always honest and intense.

By this time we had shifted to Devlali Cantonment ,which is a four hour train ride to Bombay, one of the prettiest rides you have seen, through the Syahadri hills, passing tunnels and waterfalls. Often, there would be batches of us school kids travelling to Bombay, from Barnes School on the same day , the station would look like a scene out of Mera Naam Joker with waving kids and the excitement of three loud gongs announcing the arrival of the train.

My list of experiences in Bombay are endless and memorable , those three cinema halls together across CEAT building where I saw so many Amitabh Bachchan movies and where yellow-frilled curtains rose dramatically from the screen before the movie began , the SPCA housed at the Vetinary Campus at Lower Power where my grandparents lived. Here, my evenings were spent meeting the stray dogs and looking at all the dogs being brought shivering for treatment. There was always great excitement when a film star’s dogs were brought for treatment , actress Nutan’s dogs I do remember arriving in a swank car. And the interesting neighbours, my friend Seema Khot whose mom made the most amazing snacks, Penn Uncle and Aunty, from whom I borrowed the treasure of endless books and comics not knowing then that they had made a special effort to arrange for these beforehand.Dr. Fonseca, whose remedy for many an ailment was hot brandy toddy and an admonishment to me to speak less!

There is also the very special memory of going with my mom, my grandmom and my great grandmom to drink an ‘expresso’ coffee at the Taj .Four generations of women together around coffee and sandwiches. I loved my first grown up cup of coffee dismissed by my great grandmom as an expensive’kadvi chai’ bitter tea!

It’s this bagful of memories that have entered my emotional DNA and made me the person I am today. And it’s this very reason that the attack on Bombay is so very personal. How life advances and changes Bombay after this is difficult to say, I for one can only say that Bombay is in my veins and that I cannot help but respond to what has happened there and change with it.

Friday’s Tashan: Gold Plated Popcorn and other such Multiplex Delights

Friday’s Tashan: Gold Plated Popcorn and other such Multiplex Delights

Don’t get me wrong, I am a die hard multiplex fan .Give me my PVRs and Adlabs and a few hours of oblivion in a movie hall and I am a happy camper. But does the price of the popcorn, coffee or nachos, all original equipment accompaniments to the experience of seeing a movie have to be so expensive and illogical?

Just one popcorn and Pepsi/Coke combination at any multiplex will cost you at the minimum of Rs. 100. Considering that a standard back row ticket costs you Rs. 175, barring the lounge halls where you can see the movie supine under a red blanket, why is it so costly? A management type with a food MNC once told me that it would not cost a PVR more than Rs. 1 per glass of Pepsi and that includes the price of the glass as well, which they go on and sell us at a massive premium, at the cheapest a glass of Pepsi/Coke would cost you Rs. 45/. Come on you good fellas, this isn’t food for rocket scientists and what fabulous value addition is being done to warrant such huge mark ups?

And some years go Cineplex’s did away with the small popcorn and Coke/Pepsi combination saying they have only medium and large offers forcing you to always dish out a larger sum and then you struggle through a huge carton of popcorn when a small size would have been just fine,dhanyavad!

Of course you could always say no to snacks at the movie, but I challenge any one of you to be able to go to a movie and resist the urge to buy buttery popcorn. And if such a paragon does exist out there, then you are hired as my dietician right away-)

While I am willing and even happy to spend good money on the price of a movie tickets, it really sticks to spend so much money and that too far above the retail price. Now if I am in a Barista , I am resigned to being ripped off and pay Rs. 45 for a cup of coffee , that’s the sort of entry fee to hang in a coffee shop, but in a movie I have already paid my dues to society, movie ticket in hand, should I be also shaken down for a carton popcorn?

Till we meet again-)

Rock the Universe: The Big Bang of Life, Black Hole or Creation?

Rock the Universe: The Big Bang of Life, Black Hole or Creation?

Well it past 12.30 on the 10th of September, 2008 and we are all still alive and kicking! The Large Hadron Collider Experiment (fancy name for smashing sub atomic particles) has begun and no black hole has swallowed us up whole. This experiment meant to copy the exact moment(well one trillionth of a second after the Big Bang, but close enough for us laymen) after the Big Bang that created our universe, the idea is to try and find out what happens on a very small scale after a Universe is formed.

There is something inherent is all of us to try and control and understand the Universe, we all sense that the truth is somewhere out there. As a 6 year old with a fondness of Mandrake comics I frightened the daylights out of my mom by yelling freeze loudly in an attempt to turn lukewarm bathwater to ice, if Mandrake could do so “gesturing hypnotically” so could I !

I believe that the Universe is both fair and exacting. If you don’t learn your lesson the first time in whatever area of life : work, relationships, life; the situation will repeat itself in increasing intensity and force you to correct what is not good, healthy and positive in your life. Sometimes correcting means you stand up for your values firmly, sometimes it means learning to say no to people you love ,sometimes it means discipline of a nature you are not used to. It all starts with you and how you feel about your Universe and when that decisive Big Bang happens its upto you whether you want to be swallowed up by a Black Hole or to create a brand new world with your own sun and planets.

It is possible; everything is in our Universe-)